gemsybobsy: (walkies)
High fibre, high carb diet. I love it. This is why I've failed at weight control over the years - I've been trying to portion control tiny amounts of high fat/protein + *soluble* fibre foods because I thought I had to limit *insoluble* fibre. I naturally have a sweet tooth and LOVE carb-heavy foods, and when I can eat things like:

- Whole grains/corn
- Legumes
- Apples and pears
- Other fresh and dried fruits

I am able to control my weight because my body is getting what it craves. BUT because my tummy always hurts, and all the usual IBS advice (including the low-FODMAP diet) tells you that those are the foods you need to limit/avoid, I have found it difficult to stay satisfied (and slim). For years I've been having protein, fats and vegetables low in soluble fibre. So I'd get into a cycle of eating lots of protein and leaves and berries for a day (thinking the leaves and berries should do for fibre) and then giving into my cravings for grains and eating thousands of white, refined bakery products (as white > wholegrain for IBS of course, so it was fine!) I put these typical days as examples into MyFitnessPal and a typical 'healthy day' I was getting only 12-14g fibre most of which was soluble. On a 'Bakery Diet' day I was having far less. So, to be TMI about it - I was adding to the bulk of the stuff in there with the soluble fibre, but the lack of insoluble fibre was making things move too slowly and therefore not letting anything out. Hence the 4 extra inches of belly.

So over the past three weeks I've been gradually reintroducing insoluble fibre, with resultage. I'm still having pains, maybe due to fat (will try quitting chocolate after Easter!) or an intolerance - I still suspect that my gut hates high levels of fructose and have therefore been bombarding it with ripe bananas + strained yoghurt to try and sort out my Good Bacteria. I haven't tried lactose yet. I will carry on doing this for another month or so, in case the bloating is just adjusting to higher amounts of fibrey things and will settle down (normally I'd have quit by now and gone back to the Bakery Diet!). If it's still going on I'll have to try eliminating things again. Sigh. In the meantime I've got my gastroenterologist appointment on 21st May which is why I'm writing all this.

Summary: still don't know the cause of the pain/bloating, but at least for now the things are moving through more quickly. Yay. And I've lost 5lbs already!
gemsybobsy: (choccy)
Decided I should start posting my rants in here again instead of inflicting it on my Facebook friends list. Somehow I feel like I have to write better here, though. Make it like a blog/article, instead of a rant, which works better on Facebook? Haha, I bet this doesn't last. I've been snoozing all evening because of migraine, and now I'm all inspired to write about what's been going on with my health and that.

After 3 months of rigorous diary keeping and investigation, I think I have got to the bottom of my belly problems. Fruit and vegetables. I was always eating loads, and all sorts of different ones, and whether it was the sugars, free fructose, too much fibre... I dunno. But now, I'm basically just eating green leafy veg and blueberries, and it's been great. I'm thinking maybe my bowel can't deal with a lot of different types of sugar at once. I'm still also avoiding having too much lactose at once, as well as things like mushrooms and avocados and sweeteners (polyols) and wheat (fructans). Basically, it's the low-FODMAP diet, but with little of the fruits and vegetables that the low-FODMAP diet says are 'safe'. Before, when I tried low-FODMAP, I incorporated as many of the safe ones that I possibly could. So it didn't work. I'd have salads with cucumber, peppers and tomatoes, curries with loads of carrot, broccoli and all sorts, all at once; as many vegetables on the 'safe' list as I could because I thought I had to, to get all the vitamins.

But. Now I am going to have to limit all of the things I have been eating instead, because they're contributing to this chronic migraine aura and vague headache that I've got going on, and that is DOING MY HEAD IN. I've been munching on nuts, dark chocolate chips, peanut butter, Nutella, vinegar dressings, caffeine, tinned fish, pre-cooked chicken (I have the basics Sainsbury's brand which I will need to check for nitrites, sulphites and tyramines) and... condiments... and yoghurt (not been eating much of that but I did buy some last week because I haven't been getting many animal products of late and now IDK WHETHER TO EAT IT OR NOT ARGH).

FFS. So now, I'm left with... green veg, blueberries, potatoes, rice, oats, spelt flakes (which seem to be great for me)... eggs and fresh meat...and for my sweeties, I'm going to have to just have, like, popcorn and white chocolate. Which = binge territory. I liked snacking on nuts and dried fruits and dark chocolate chips because they didn't lead to bingery. I guess I could make pancakes with blueberries and maple syrup. Or I could not have anything sweet ever again and die miserable but at least I would shift some of the flab off my ample butt.

Also I am having therapy for my failbrain, and it is rubbish so far.

Hello Eljay

Feb. 2nd, 2013 03:22 pm
gemsybobsy: (walkies)
I'm going to try and post in here at least twice a week from now on! I've kept this diary since I was 11, and I love reading back and remembering the silly things that happened to me. I don't know why I stopped really. Busy, definitely. Maybe it's because I'm working all the time and think people don't want to read about hoovering and dogs. And I seem to put all my silly comments on Facebook these days instead of here. I can't see myself looking back nostalgically through Facebook when I'm fifty though, so I need to stop it. I'll try and save up those little thoughts and put them in here instead of spamming the hell out of the more instantly-available social networks. I miss that Twitter feed I used to have on here! I think it broke. :(

Anyway, WHAT'S BEEN ON THEN mush? Well, January sucked, as Januarys are wont to do. I lost my voice over Christmas and I seem to have an ongoing throat problem, similar to the thing I had back in 2008 when I got the camera down my nose... vocal fatigue, chronic laryngitis... not really sure. Not allowed to sing at all until our next gig in March, which is really, really hard. I didn't realise how much I normally sing until I couldn't do it anymore!

Still trying to lose weight. Shenanigans. Basically, what it is - I had those chronic migraines that started a year ago, and have been taking pizotifen, a drug that is known for causing weight gain. It really did bloody well cause weight gain. But y'know, I thought as long as the migraines are gone, I'll worry about the weight later. So I didn't keep too much of an eye on what I was eating, and as a result I have put on 20lbs over the last year, which is SO annoying because 20lbs ago I wanted to lose 20lbs. Argh. So now I have to lose 40lbs. So far 10 of them have been obliterated, as I've been back on the low carb/no sugar diet since Christmas, which isn't bad, but I seem to have hit a plateau. Annoying. But I feel so much better; loads of energy, less achey joints etc, no migraine, no IBS! I could see another ab this morning too, so I know they're in there somewhere!

I have now stopped taking the pills because they forgot to give me some in my last prescription renewal and I couldn't be arsed to go and ask for more. Been off them just over a week now (I was only on a ridiculously low dose anyway tbh; 0.5mg a day) and haven't had any migrainey feels... apart from one twinge of pain that lasted about 3 seconds, like, the DAY I stopped taking them, so that could've just been a... thing. So yeah, fingers crossed. I think most of the cure was me keeping my neck and shoulders relaxed though. I didn't realise how tense I was until I had physio last March, and I wonder if doing the daily stretches and massages is what has stopped the migraines. Now... maybe I might be able to come off the anti-depressants?! That'd be pretty awesome.

Everything else is coooool... one day I'm going to write a diary of our gigs, because we have some flipping epic adventures but for some reason writing about them seems like a chore right now... but I will do it! It's weird, I'll come in here and moan about my health and boring things like my weight problems but the really good things I do in my life just get left out! I never did write properly about America last year, or Berlin, or Leipzig, or my sister's 30th birthday meal last week which was delicious and hilarious. Maybe it's because I know I'll remember those occasions so don't feel the need to write about them. Hehe.

My next door neighbours keep shagging. STOP IT.
gemsybobsy: (walkies)
This year's been great apart from this horrible not-that-bad-but-LINGERING COLD OF DOOM! Going on for two whole weeks now. Go away!

Anyway! Other than that it's been lovely; I had a little party on Christmas Eve Eve with lots of pressies, food and drink, old friends and new friends - I saw my friend Leslie for the first time in ten years, with her gorgeous little boy. Then I had my usual three Christmas days with all the folks, all my presents went down well, I received some great things in return, then my evenings were spent in my beautiful house recharging with Didz, fat Coke, cake and ALL THE EASTENDERS.

And now for 2013. Oh fuuu-. I hope:

- that I don't have ANY ILLNESS WHATSOEVER.
- that I am fully organised and no longer sleep in and then have to rearrange everyone etc...
- ...and furthermore, stop missing all the fun ballet fun.
- that I make lots of money.
- we have many gigs, larks and wondrous band-related thrills.
- that I am the embodiment of energy, fitness, fun and mental health.
- that I feel more like writing in my journal! So much was missed this year.

Anyway, need to go and buy VEGETABLES. T'ra journal, and have a good New Year! I'll be back with the classic end-of-year meme at some point. Probably.
gemsybobsy: (ana)
14. What your life was like ten years ago
Um... Ermergerd I was thinking I'd be writing about school and college here but I'd actually already left ten years ago! Okay, now I feel old. Right, exactly ten years ago I'd have been working at GSF for a few months, and enjoying having a full-time job and being a grown up... Looking at my diary entries from then haha - I still lived at home, didn't drive, smoked '68million' fags, driving around the Forest with Steve a lot, going to town to spend my wages, going to London for awesome gigs... I was obsessed with Tool, and metal, and Muse (that year they played Reading, I went with Timur and Kev, and it's always the first thing I think of when I think '2002'!)... I stayed up till the early hours on the internet, made websites, we still had our old band Symbiosis and we did some gigs, then we did Brother Earth later that year (our epic metal band in which I sang and played bass)... We went to the Dungeon, Nexus and the Bosun's Locker a lot and played pool and spent more money on the juke box than on booze... that was a great pub. We played a lot of war games in the Forest. That was hilarious.

15. How much alcohol you drink
I can definitely take it or leave it. I've never been one to say 'I fancy a beer' or have booze in the fridge at home... for me drinking is just part of going out and being sociable, but I can go out and be sociable without the booze. I'm one of those annoying people who stands at the front of the queue at the bar and goes, 'Oh yeah, booze. Now what shall I have...?' I can totally get going when the mood takes me though, haha. I do like being drunk. I don't seem to need to drink that much to get drunk these days... So... the question! I... probably have about 4-5 pints of beer in one binge. I've been having shots lately though because of The Diet. 6 rum & diet cokes should be enough.

16. Your worst illness
Ummm... Probably the asthma, I got hospitalised for it once when I was really young, and went to A&E with it a couple of times as a teenager and once or twice as a grown-up. I've always just had 'ailments' as opposed to serious illnesses. I've had the usual bugs and viruses, and could list a few occasions where I've felt like proper death, but nothing really bad.

17. What you do at work
Drive, mostly. Pick up dogs, clean houses, clean pubs, bash my elbows on sharp corners, stub my toes on Hoovers, hang out with dogs, take dogs home, queue up at the bank, panic about money, might go and help out with some ballet teaching... Tomorrow, though, I'm doing a day at GSF where I used to work. Haha. Oh and gigs with the band, that's kind of work. So yeah, all sorts o' stuff.

18. A question or comment people should never make to you
I'm not easily offended, but I will take it personally and get angry if anyone makes any comment slagging off someone for having wonky eyes. Calling someone ugly for any reason, really, can make me get a bit uppity. And they can't backtrack out of it by then saying, 'I'm allowed to slag her off because she's a bitch.' No. Carry on digging that hole. Actually, if I'm 'on one', any random comment that shows they don't think genders are equal, or that they believe you're more valuable than someone else because of their background, education or job or are a supporter of any form of discrimination at all really... I can get pissed off, but you know... I like to think people can talk freely to me... Haha. I've had debates with mates over things in the pub but I don't really get angry in real life. People I talk to on the internet probably know that I can get pretty angry from my occasional massive ranty essays!

19. The style of clothing you feel most comfortable in
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Nah, anything goes really, as long as I don't have my butt on display. Or the tops of the backs of my legs, so no short shorts or dresses with bare legs. I'd be thinking about it the whole time. Leggings have to have a dress over them. I used to have this thing where I've had to have something covering my arse if it was tightly clad in any way. Pencil skirts were out of the question - they had to be flowy/sticky-outy. In jeans or trousers I had to have a skirt on top or a jumper round my waist. And I could never wear tight tops. Couldn't show off my womanly shape, oh no! Now I'm perfectly comfortable in more figure-hugging things, but I'm favouring longer tops at the moment because I've got junk in the trunk. I don't suit girly clothes; dainty dresses and pretty sandals and stuff aren't really me. If I do buy something that's really pretty and girly, which I sometimes do if there's something I just like for no reason, I have to balance it with super UBERMETALHAMMERGEIL! Like, I'll wear a cutesy blouse with cats and flowers and candyfloss and rainbows on it, with massive baggy combats and army boots. I have quite broad shoulders and good legs (when I'm in shape), so I think my actual ideal 'style' is tight jeans, long boots and long floaty shirts. OH YEAH. Can't wait to shift this weight and go SHOPPING. Size 8 shopping... *daydreams*

Damnit, I've been asleep all evening and am now wide awake. Today I went on a boat! It was my auntie Trudie's boyfriend's birthday, and they're moving away for a while, so they had this big ol' boat trip that went from Ocean Village up the Beaulieu river and back. Quite nice, had a ploughman's and a cream tea, and it was 30 degrees out today, so. And it brought back a lot of memories of driving Dad's boat up the river and waving at the yachties while badmouthing them under our breath... Absolutely splendid day for it, old bean.
gemsybobsy: (study in pink)
Since living here and fending for myself completely for the first time in my life (before I always had someone to provide me with awesome food and cuppa teas and other winning things, omg Anna I miss you), I have experimented a lot with cooking. I think I've just about mastered most things, but I'm no expert by any means! I've also been experimenting with my diet, trying to find ways to cure my IBS and other health problems. I've really got into it actually; I love being in my kitchen and chopping and boiling and steaming and frying and baking and eating. Yum yum. I might start some kind of food blog! Especially if my latest diet experiment works out - it seems to be working well so far but I think I need to keep at it for another week or so before I get excited. So, more on that later.

Since I've lived on my own, though, my health's gone shite! When I moved here and accepted that I'd be paying a whole rent on my own, I was all ready to work hard. But since I moved in I have had 2 stomach bugs after years of not having anything more horrible than the odd cold; then I had one bad cold, then the chronic migraine started in February, and it's just all gone tits up since then, to the point where I'm finding it hard to work. I'm waking up exhausted, finding it hard to climb stairs and even stay upright and awake sometimes; then there's other things that I'm experiencing that have prompted friends to tell me to get referred and tested for ME/chronic fatigue syndrome. My mum and nan keep telling me 'not to think like that' but there's no denying that I do have pretty much all of the symptoms. I've even been having random sore throats for the past year that I've been wondering about. I'm having another blood test on Monday because for the last two weeks the lymph glands under my arms have been like golfballs. Really bloody painful. I hope I do have glandular fever or something, because I really cba with a chronic illness.


I don't know if this is all down to the accident and whiplash I had back in December. If it is, I won't be able to claim any more money from that, because my claim's going through now.


I do wonder if it's just Salisbury that's the problem. Haha. Something in the water!
gemsybobsy: (sherlock3)
So, I don't mix well at all with beta blockers. My lungs were all HELL NO. I've had to go on a course of steroids and I've got a new inhaler. PURPLE! Darnsarnit. I'm alright now, lung-wise, but my tummy is also... bad. Let's not go into that. Probably just too many DRUGZ. Dr D is going to ring me on Monday to talk about trying new stuff for the weird aura 'heady and floopy' feeling; which is still going on, all day every day argh argh fml boo, without the beta blockers. They worked wonderfully for the brainfail, in just two days. Typical. I generally still feel like crappityballs. Dr D says I need to take a week off, and I shouldn't do nuffink or owt. Like that's gonna happen. It's annoying being self-employed. Someone gimme some sick pay! Didz is really smelly tonight. :/
gemsybobsy: (amy)
On the 6th February (dog bless you, Facebook) I was driving to Tesco's where I intended to buy a bucket for fishy purposes. As I was driving, in the fast lane, I kept thinking there was another car next to me. There wasn't. My peripheral vision then went away completely, and then came back with a plethora of flashing zigzags. Weirdly, I didn't freak out. I somehow knew it was a migraine even though I hadn't had one like this before, and hadn't had one with an aura at all since I was 12 (that was the only one I could remember having and it completely effed up my first day in Disney World!)

So, I navigated Tesco's, trying my hardest not to fall over when the left side of my body decided to go tingly and numb. It started at my thumb and travelled up my arm and down my legs, then up my throat and into my face. I convinced the pharmacist to sell me some strong migraine stuff as I was now convinced that was what it was, and I struggled to drive home, and fell into bed - by now I was really clumsy and shouldn't have driven at all really. My head had started to pound, so I boshed some of these pills I'd bought (that cost me the best part of a tenner!) and fell asleep, woke up four hours later with the headache gone completely, and that was that. Random! Or so I hoped.

On the night of the 22nd I woke up in the middle of the night to find my left side had gone numb again. Fantastic. I went back to sleep and if I got the brain pain I didn't notice. The next day I rang my new doctor to see what he thought, and he told me to go in. He took my blood pressure (fine) and did some neurological tests. He had a look at my neck when I told him about the car bash I'd had before Christmas, and said the migraines could be due to that. Luckily I was about to see a physiotherapist for that anyway. Doctor gave me sumatriptan, which supposedly are brilliant at killing migraines before they kick off.

So, on the 27th I woke up, picked up a book and it all went foreign. Lol. I couldn't see the words at all! Then I started getting blind spots, and couldn't see one of my hands when I held them up in front of my eye. So weird. I got showered anyway, thinking it was just my eyes being sleepy or whatever, then when I got out my hand had gone numb. The right hand this time. What the hell? Boshed a sumatriptan, but it was too late by this point. The headache began and I went to my physio appointment anyway, which was nice. It helped relieve it a bit, but when I got home it got worse, so bad that it made me throw up, and the whole day was a write-off.

I was fine the next day, but the next one (29th) was another write-off, but only because I didn't feel safe to drive, not because I was in pain. This time I managed to take the pill in time to stop it and just got a few twinges of pain. For the next three days though I felt terrible; light-headed and weak and 'floopy'. On the second day I felt really bad, like I was about to pass out all the time, and in the evening felt like another aura was coming on so I nearly took a pill, but it went away when I had a sleep.

THEN! I had another physio appointment, and a week completely free of migraine/floopy-feelings! Woohoo! Then yesterday I had another physio appointment and she totally beat up my shoulder, which was amazing, but today? ARGH FUCK OFF. I was round Daisy the puppy's house and got a tingly left thumb, out of nowhere, instantly followed by flashies and BAM! Headache for three hours even though I'd taken a pill as soon as my thumb went weird. I worked through it this time though, which was aaargh, then as I decided to concede defeat and drive home it went away. I feel okay now, apart from my legs which feel a bit achy.

gemsybobsy: (tardis snow)
I feel so festive. It's too warm to feel like (almost) December, but I don't care - I'm using my Christmas icon anyway. I actually hope it doesn't snow this year because I need to be able to get around and earn money! The town is all lit up with tacky-ass crap and I love it. I went shopping with Mum and the curly nieces and my Nan yesterday and it was lovely. I've been making gorgeous (but, methinks, too heavy?) decorations for the tree I plan to obtain from somewhere tomorrow. I've been ordering presents for all the little girlies online and I have some oranges drying in the oven right now, covered in sugar and ground cloves - the smell of which used to be Christmassy to me, but now just reminds me of toothache. Boo. I might walk into town in a minute and get my Secret Santa present for my allocated Muser, and I might go and buy some pretty ribbon just for fun.

LOVELY. I bloody love this time of year. And I've got more than enough to pay my first rent! HURRAH!

Bad stuff: I'm being plagued with IBS daily and I would like it to stroll on, please. It ruined an awesome gig for me last night, so it did. I think Didz might have it too, because he has made a lovely stain on the carpet by the front door. Argh. So this is why dogs aren't always welcome tenants! My palm is attached to my face.


Oct. 7th, 2011 11:30 pm
gemsybobsy: (study in pink)
I think all the excitement and lack of sleep because of the excitement and working for one stupid day in the stupid office with diseasey humans has taken its toll on my immune system. I now have The Cold from Hell.


I went round to my new house on Wednesday and went over what will be left in there for me and I made a huge list of what I need to blag/buy. Landlady is awesome. Love her. She's not leaving any small bits and bobs so that means I GET TO GO SHOPPING. OH YES.

I'm so hot and feverish and the ridgeback sprawled across my legs is not helping matters.


Dec. 10th, 2010 03:15 pm
gemsybobsy: (amy)
I think I'm crashing like the goddamn tram in Corrie. I feel like I'm recovering from the flu; all weak and palpitationy. Just really tiiired, and my jaw is all tense and clenchy too so I've got an 'eadache. And my car is borked too. So, I have got hardly any work done this week.

Ugh it's annoying, I hope this goes away before the weekend 'cause I'm s'posed to be going to see Rotersand.

It hasn't all been fail this week. I passed AA100. Woohoo! I got a 78!


Oct. 12th, 2010 11:33 pm
gemsybobsy: (butterflies)
I just got an e-mail from the OU and for a minute there I thought it was my last assignment being marked but it was just reminding me to make sure my TMA scores are showing up okay on my StudentHome page. Argh, don't DO THAT TO ME. I want to knooow what I gooot...

I have the lurgy. Boo. Well, I did yesterday and a bit of today. I have so much catching up to do tomorrow because of it. I missed all my dancings today. Double boo. How interesting this entry is.

Oh I want to mention Claire Rayner, too. Because she died today, and she was awesome. :(
gemsybobsy: (muse)
Bus to Loldon, meet [ profile] bossmew, meet Musers in the Rocket, party on, check into hostel, head to the O2, eat dinner, go see the Big Pink (never again - strobes of doom) followed by TWO STAR Muse gig (we were a bit disappointed to say the least, oh the things we threatened to do to that megaphone if we ever got hold of it), start Mexican wave, shout at Fiona Philips off of GMTV, party on in the Clink bar for a little while, bed.

Wake up, lie in bed talking about Muse with roomies, emergency new boot shopping avec hilarious sock-superglue-related mishap and lovely noodley lunch with roomies, back to the Rocket, booze, to the DOME! A little later this time so we miss the Big Pink - then one of the best Muse gigs of the 12 I've now seen. If I had to re-write my 35 reasons, this would be on here. The screaming for MK Ultra. Crying during Cave. The air-guitar-on-our-knees to Guiding Light. Remind me to always stand with Musers from the board at future gigs. Time of my actual life. Back to the Clink, late-night lolz, bed.

Lynzi Day! Breakfast in Euston, meet n00bs in Trafalgar Square, sing, get rained on, take shelter/culture in the National Gallery, pub, drink, sing, piss off the locals, sing, drink, bus home, emo.

BRILLIANT. I think this was possibly one of the best three days of my life, it was just so hilarious. Met some great new people too. Just, epic love for you all, even if you were infectious. I came down with the Muser Lurgy cold from hell on Wednesday and missed three days of work. FAIL. So worth it though. The end. I could probably say loads more but that's the basics. Lazy. What else is going on? Oh yeah, still jobseeking, I have had my flu jabs and I'm going to be an auntie again! :D
gemsybobsy: (eugene)
Last week - cleaning, walking with hounds, recording vocals, cleaning, walking with hounds, TV shoot, cleaning, walking with hounds, cleaning, ballet, recording more cover songs for lolz, cleaning, hung out with Steve, saw Jeannie a couple of times. Then it was the weekend. Skindred on Saturday night were blinding, as always. Incredible band. Their gigs (this was my fourth I think?) are always so hot and sweaty, dirty bass, partyful atmosphere, ragga metal, Welsh accents... just amazing. Support band Karnivool were awesome too, I really must check them out on the NETZ.


This week? We'll see. Not a good start. Lost another customer this morning, but gained two more. Not enough though. Need ££s! Lots of them, quick! Oooh, I found out that Soulsavers are supporting DM in December, which is awesome news. Our washing machine's all buggered up, not so awesome. I spent the whole day hanging with my bro at his house, waiting for laundry to... launder. I don't have a lot to do this week, really. Take more laundry to more people. Take my own dogs out for a change. Take a bit of time to chill out, and maybe be a bit creative.

Or just be ill, perhaps. *achoo*
gemsybobsy: (space)
On Saturday night Anna and Jon and I went to the Standing Order and met Tam and Dan and people and we got drunk, and the next day I woke up with the most horrendous toothache. I went to lunch at Sunnyfields with Tam and Dan and Dan's lovely family and I don't know why they insist on calling it an ache when it is more of a pain and by Sunday night I was crying on my nan's doorstep. She gave me some of her hardcore paracetamol/codeine tablets and I rubbed toothpaste on it and felt better, had dinner at my mum's and Monday morning I was in the dentist's chair and she numbed me the hell up and I've never been so relieved - I had a temporary filling and a course of pencillin. Unfortunately the numbness wore off four hours later and the nerve was definitely not any happier and my whole body decided it had had enough of the whole thing and gave up. I just about made it up to my room before I collapsed and I honestly thought I was dying. I felt so, so ill; I was all faint and weak and feverish and had shooting pains everywhere. Oh and I still have that cough so my lungs were hurtin' and things do not taste nice in there. You know when you're feverish and in and out of sleep and you have annoying repetitive thoughts? All I could think about was the poor dogs who had had no dinner, and what to do if I wasn't able to get downstairs and let them out... I was supposed to be up and about at 8am Tuesday morning, so I considered phoning people to help me but that would just be madness. Anna was in Plymouth on a course. Luckily it all went away by Tuesday afternoon and I was still ill but could function but couldn't walk dogs so I don't even want to think about how much money I've missed out on this week.


Fuck you, 2008. Fuck you right in the ear.
gemsybobsy: (floyd)
Still in existence, still no word from the agency. I think I'll ring them tomorrow and nag them into giving me an interview. I knew I'd have to do that. Agencies are absolutely useless. I put £200 into the bank today, so I'm getting back on track. Until the next time I'm suddenly penniless without warning! I need something more stable, for the good of my health if nothing else. I'm walking around (and driving around) in a slightly blurry world at the moment, since the death of my spectacles. I can't get an appointment until Monday (which is good really, 'cause the money I get from Riley and Roxy at the weekend will pay for it). I had some awful tooth pain going on yesterday. I need at least two fillings but can't afford treatment, even if I change to an NHS dentist. It's a bit better today though. It's alright if I don't blast it with substances of extreme temperature, or breathe in sharply. My God, I thought I was going to be sick from the pain yesterday. I spent the entire afternoon in tears of agony. Ain't never felt the like. I know the 'I need a filling' pain well, and this was ten times worse. I think I need a root filling. Rubbish. I swear my teeth are crumbling away. And my wrist is still causing me pain. All these ailments. They're very welcome, really, on top of everything else. This year seems like it's going to continue to try me.

On a lighter note, the dogs have been eating chicken wings, fish and an old swede for the last couple of days, and this evening the room is... shall we say, fragrant. I actually yelled out my disgust, and I can usually bear horrible smells quite well. I've never smelt anything so horrendous. Anna lit an incense stick and I jumped up and moved away from the main culprit, only for him to follow me and curl up at my feet again. My Didz. He's turning into such a loyal little collie, even if he does smell viiile, as Katy says. I think I'm starting to bond with Didz now. As cute as puppies are, I think the best bit is when they grow up and start to learn how to be your friend.


Dec. 20th, 2007 03:33 pm
gemsybobsy: (doctor)
Aaargh. I'm over the worst of it but still feel sluggish and that too-familiar feeling where it feels as if my head's full of cotton wool. Awesome. I wish we had a bath. Daniel sent me The Time Traveler's Wife for Christmas and I just want to sit down and read it in one go, in a bubble bath. I'm so cold all the time as well. Chilled to the bone. Just want a hot bath, a big plate of chips and some hot chocolate and cookies and fluffy slippers and blankets and that book.

I can't attempt to do any of that, because we have to go out tonight. We're going to see a Scissor Sisters tribute. Lolz are definitely to be had, and it's free, but Anna's got the same lurgy, and [ profile] sessal's saying she's got too much to do... basically WE'RE ALL TOO LAZY. And it's all the way over in Bournemouth. Sigh. I'm sure we'll be okay (i.e. more up for it) when we get there.

IN OTHER NEWS: presents are all wrapped. I only have two more parcels to wait for and have a fridge full of liver cake to wrap up for doggle presents.

How pretty? What a lovely sight. Just wish they were all mine...


Right, shower.
gemsybobsy: (walkies)
I have been to the doctors this morning to read my history. So interesting I nearly LOL'd.
In fact, I did a few times.

"Was crossing road, hit by car. Head hurts."
"Walked into a wasps' nest. Had asthma attack, took inhaler, and not wheezing now."
"Patient asked, "why does this keep happening to me?" SMOKING! Have warned."

Anyway, the reason I went was because I wanted to find out exactly what happened to my elusive eyeball.

Basically, in October 1981, my mum & dad noticed that my pupil had faded to a greeny colour so they rushed me to the doctor, who referred me to the old Southampton eye hospital. (Awww, that place owned.) I got diagnosed with a cataract. It turned out that both my irides were abnormal with vessels coursing on the surfaces. My left eye was otherwise normal. In my right one, the vessels crossed the pupil, and the lens was connected by some up-drawn ciliary processes (woah, alien eye!) So, I had an ultrasound scan to rule out tumours, and then I would've had cataract surgery to give me some chance of being able to see, but the crazy blood vessels were coursing over the surface of the cataract. So they gave me eye drops. Lol.

By December I had a primary congenital hyperplastic vitreous and marked choroidal detachment (squishy stuff and a big gap in my eyeball, basically).

By January 1984 my eye had gone proper tits up. I had secondary glaucoma, buphthalmos and megalo-cornea (WOAH! Wicked! *imagines eyeball bigger than head*) and a large dark mass had arisen from the choroid. This was haemorragic in origin from the primary hyperplastic vitreous (so it wasn't a tumour, Mum, you medical n00b).

By this stage it was painful and completely blind, so it was enucleated (removed) on the 26th January 1984. What a wicked little story. So in conclusion, I developed wrongly, haha.

My mum said that somebody at her work died in front of her when she was pregnant, and the doctors thought that the shock from that may have had this impact on my development. Certainly an interesting thing to think about.

The most frustrating thing is that this was 25 years ago. It might be cureable now.

I was reading my baby notes and the midwife had noted the yellow around my pupils. I love my eye colouring. :(
I would've had amazing eyes if they were both real and I didn't look like this: O_o


Then 2 years later I got a cough, then was diagnosed with asthma and eczema and all my rhinitis problems... How fun for me. It took them 10 years to realise it was allergies, and send me for tests. Medical n00bs.

And then in the year 2000 (which, incidentally, was when I started listening to Muse, ROFLCOPTER) all the "moderate depression", anxiety and related "musculo skeletal" aches/pains and irritable bowel started kicking off. How even funnerer for me. Again, it took them another 10 years to realise all that was related, after telling me to take paracetamol and "go swimming more."

Pffft. I'm such a mess.

UPDATE: Dr B says: "If it's any consolation, I wouldn't fancy the chances of saving an eye in that kind of state even today. Choroidal detachment will just result in degeneration of the retina (to vascularisation pathways from the sclera will be broken, and bleeding will occur into the space between the layers (as noted in your records), pushing the choroid/retina away, blurring vision further, if innervation/perfusion was somehow maintained), with the inevitable results."

So I'm happy. And a little turned on..


gemsybobsy: (Default)

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