Hello Eljay

Feb. 2nd, 2013 03:22 pm
gemsybobsy: (walkies)
I'm going to try and post in here at least twice a week from now on! I've kept this diary since I was 11, and I love reading back and remembering the silly things that happened to me. I don't know why I stopped really. Busy, definitely. Maybe it's because I'm working all the time and think people don't want to read about hoovering and dogs. And I seem to put all my silly comments on Facebook these days instead of here. I can't see myself looking back nostalgically through Facebook when I'm fifty though, so I need to stop it. I'll try and save up those little thoughts and put them in here instead of spamming the hell out of the more instantly-available social networks. I miss that Twitter feed I used to have on here! I think it broke. :(

Anyway, WHAT'S BEEN ON THEN mush? Well, January sucked, as Januarys are wont to do. I lost my voice over Christmas and I seem to have an ongoing throat problem, similar to the thing I had back in 2008 when I got the camera down my nose... vocal fatigue, chronic laryngitis... not really sure. Not allowed to sing at all until our next gig in March, which is really, really hard. I didn't realise how much I normally sing until I couldn't do it anymore!

Still trying to lose weight. Shenanigans. Basically, what it is - I had those chronic migraines that started a year ago, and have been taking pizotifen, a drug that is known for causing weight gain. It really did bloody well cause weight gain. But y'know, I thought as long as the migraines are gone, I'll worry about the weight later. So I didn't keep too much of an eye on what I was eating, and as a result I have put on 20lbs over the last year, which is SO annoying because 20lbs ago I wanted to lose 20lbs. Argh. So now I have to lose 40lbs. So far 10 of them have been obliterated, as I've been back on the low carb/no sugar diet since Christmas, which isn't bad, but I seem to have hit a plateau. Annoying. But I feel so much better; loads of energy, less achey joints etc, no migraine, no IBS! I could see another ab this morning too, so I know they're in there somewhere!

I have now stopped taking the pills because they forgot to give me some in my last prescription renewal and I couldn't be arsed to go and ask for more. Been off them just over a week now (I was only on a ridiculously low dose anyway tbh; 0.5mg a day) and haven't had any migrainey feels... apart from one twinge of pain that lasted about 3 seconds, like, the DAY I stopped taking them, so that could've just been a... thing. So yeah, fingers crossed. I think most of the cure was me keeping my neck and shoulders relaxed though. I didn't realise how tense I was until I had physio last March, and I wonder if doing the daily stretches and massages is what has stopped the migraines. Now... maybe I might be able to come off the anti-depressants?! That'd be pretty awesome.

Everything else is coooool... one day I'm going to write a diary of our gigs, because we have some flipping epic adventures but for some reason writing about them seems like a chore right now... but I will do it! It's weird, I'll come in here and moan about my health and boring things like my weight problems but the really good things I do in my life just get left out! I never did write properly about America last year, or Berlin, or Leipzig, or my sister's 30th birthday meal last week which was delicious and hilarious. Maybe it's because I know I'll remember those occasions so don't feel the need to write about them. Hehe.

My next door neighbours keep shagging. STOP IT.
gemsybobsy: (ana)
14. What your life was like ten years ago
Um... Ermergerd I was thinking I'd be writing about school and college here but I'd actually already left ten years ago! Okay, now I feel old. Right, exactly ten years ago I'd have been working at GSF for a few months, and enjoying having a full-time job and being a grown up... Looking at my diary entries from then haha - I still lived at home, didn't drive, smoked '68million' fags, driving around the Forest with Steve a lot, going to town to spend my wages, going to London for awesome gigs... I was obsessed with Tool, and metal, and Muse (that year they played Reading, I went with Timur and Kev, and it's always the first thing I think of when I think '2002'!)... I stayed up till the early hours on the internet, made websites, we still had our old band Symbiosis and we did some gigs, then we did Brother Earth later that year (our epic metal band in which I sang and played bass)... We went to the Dungeon, Nexus and the Bosun's Locker a lot and played pool and spent more money on the juke box than on booze... that was a great pub. We played a lot of war games in the Forest. That was hilarious.

15. How much alcohol you drink
I can definitely take it or leave it. I've never been one to say 'I fancy a beer' or have booze in the fridge at home... for me drinking is just part of going out and being sociable, but I can go out and be sociable without the booze. I'm one of those annoying people who stands at the front of the queue at the bar and goes, 'Oh yeah, booze. Now what shall I have...?' I can totally get going when the mood takes me though, haha. I do like being drunk. I don't seem to need to drink that much to get drunk these days... So... the question! I... probably have about 4-5 pints of beer in one binge. I've been having shots lately though because of The Diet. 6 rum & diet cokes should be enough.

16. Your worst illness
Ummm... Probably the asthma, I got hospitalised for it once when I was really young, and went to A&E with it a couple of times as a teenager and once or twice as a grown-up. I've always just had 'ailments' as opposed to serious illnesses. I've had the usual bugs and viruses, and could list a few occasions where I've felt like proper death, but nothing really bad.

17. What you do at work
Drive, mostly. Pick up dogs, clean houses, clean pubs, bash my elbows on sharp corners, stub my toes on Hoovers, hang out with dogs, take dogs home, queue up at the bank, panic about money, might go and help out with some ballet teaching... Tomorrow, though, I'm doing a day at GSF where I used to work. Haha. Oh and gigs with the band, that's kind of work. So yeah, all sorts o' stuff.

18. A question or comment people should never make to you
I'm not easily offended, but I will take it personally and get angry if anyone makes any comment slagging off someone for having wonky eyes. Calling someone ugly for any reason, really, can make me get a bit uppity. And they can't backtrack out of it by then saying, 'I'm allowed to slag her off because she's a bitch.' No. Carry on digging that hole. Actually, if I'm 'on one', any random comment that shows they don't think genders are equal, or that they believe you're more valuable than someone else because of their background, education or job or are a supporter of any form of discrimination at all really... I can get pissed off, but you know... I like to think people can talk freely to me... Haha. I've had debates with mates over things in the pub but I don't really get angry in real life. People I talk to on the internet probably know that I can get pretty angry from my occasional massive ranty essays!

19. The style of clothing you feel most comfortable in
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Nah, anything goes really, as long as I don't have my butt on display. Or the tops of the backs of my legs, so no short shorts or dresses with bare legs. I'd be thinking about it the whole time. Leggings have to have a dress over them. I used to have this thing where I've had to have something covering my arse if it was tightly clad in any way. Pencil skirts were out of the question - they had to be flowy/sticky-outy. In jeans or trousers I had to have a skirt on top or a jumper round my waist. And I could never wear tight tops. Couldn't show off my womanly shape, oh no! Now I'm perfectly comfortable in more figure-hugging things, but I'm favouring longer tops at the moment because I've got junk in the trunk. I don't suit girly clothes; dainty dresses and pretty sandals and stuff aren't really me. If I do buy something that's really pretty and girly, which I sometimes do if there's something I just like for no reason, I have to balance it with super UBERMETALHAMMERGEIL! Like, I'll wear a cutesy blouse with cats and flowers and candyfloss and rainbows on it, with massive baggy combats and army boots. I have quite broad shoulders and good legs (when I'm in shape), so I think my actual ideal 'style' is tight jeans, long boots and long floaty shirts. OH YEAH. Can't wait to shift this weight and go SHOPPING. Size 8 shopping... *daydreams*

Damnit, I've been asleep all evening and am now wide awake. Today I went on a boat! It was my auntie Trudie's boyfriend's birthday, and they're moving away for a while, so they had this big ol' boat trip that went from Ocean Village up the Beaulieu river and back. Quite nice, had a ploughman's and a cream tea, and it was 30 degrees out today, so. And it brought back a lot of memories of driving Dad's boat up the river and waving at the yachties while badmouthing them under our breath... Absolutely splendid day for it, old bean.
gemsybobsy: (study in pink)
Since living here and fending for myself completely for the first time in my life (before I always had someone to provide me with awesome food and cuppa teas and other winning things, omg Anna I miss you), I have experimented a lot with cooking. I think I've just about mastered most things, but I'm no expert by any means! I've also been experimenting with my diet, trying to find ways to cure my IBS and other health problems. I've really got into it actually; I love being in my kitchen and chopping and boiling and steaming and frying and baking and eating. Yum yum. I might start some kind of food blog! Especially if my latest diet experiment works out - it seems to be working well so far but I think I need to keep at it for another week or so before I get excited. So, more on that later.

Since I've lived on my own, though, my health's gone shite! When I moved here and accepted that I'd be paying a whole rent on my own, I was all ready to work hard. But since I moved in I have had 2 stomach bugs after years of not having anything more horrible than the odd cold; then I had one bad cold, then the chronic migraine started in February, and it's just all gone tits up since then, to the point where I'm finding it hard to work. I'm waking up exhausted, finding it hard to climb stairs and even stay upright and awake sometimes; then there's other things that I'm experiencing that have prompted friends to tell me to get referred and tested for ME/chronic fatigue syndrome. My mum and nan keep telling me 'not to think like that' but there's no denying that I do have pretty much all of the symptoms. I've even been having random sore throats for the past year that I've been wondering about. I'm having another blood test on Monday because for the last two weeks the lymph glands under my arms have been like golfballs. Really bloody painful. I hope I do have glandular fever or something, because I really cba with a chronic illness.


I don't know if this is all down to the accident and whiplash I had back in December. If it is, I won't be able to claim any more money from that, because my claim's going through now.


I do wonder if it's just Salisbury that's the problem. Haha. Something in the water!
gemsybobsy: (butterflies)

Now I need to panic about money instead. ARGH STUPID BANK ARGH ARGH.
gemsybobsy: (ballet)
I am ignoring and abusing you. Sorry, poor ickle diary. I've been really busy, trying to scrape in money to pay for a house I'm never in because I'm too busy running around Southampton like a blue-arsed fly. I've had two more bloody parking fines and had to apply for housing benefit because the council and the tax man are taking all my money. And, I am having a bit of a health scare really. I went for a CT scan for the migraines, and then my doctor sent me a letter saying,

'While it all looks generally absolutely fine there is one slight region where it looks like you might have a very small cyst. These are relatively common things to find and it has probably been there your whole life without causing you any problems. It is probably completely unrelated to the symptoms you have been having.'

So I had to go back for an MRI on Tuesday, which was lots of fun; got to have a dye injected in my arm but still didn't see a picture of my brain. Damnit! Just waiting again now, for the results. I'm not too bothered about it. Kind of blank about the whole thing. I think I might be eating my feelings, though. I haven't stopped stuffing my face since the first scan. Stupid fat is stupid back with a stupid vengeance, and I'm more annoyed about that than the wrong shiz apparently kicking off in my brain.

In more exciting news - the dancing show is in two weeks, and I'm in the opening tap number so I have GOT to shift this extra weight. Bum wobbles! We have been making loads of costumes and stuff. SO MUCH FUNS.


Dec. 10th, 2010 03:15 pm
gemsybobsy: (amy)
I think I'm crashing like the goddamn tram in Corrie. I feel like I'm recovering from the flu; all weak and palpitationy. Just really tiiired, and my jaw is all tense and clenchy too so I've got an 'eadache. And my car is borked too. So, I have got hardly any work done this week.

Ugh it's annoying, I hope this goes away before the weekend 'cause I'm s'posed to be going to see Rotersand.

It hasn't all been fail this week. I passed AA100. Woohoo! I got a 78!
gemsybobsy: (barrowmaaan)
...but, as usual, no interesting/constructive/creative ones. Here they are anyway, in the interest of keeping this thing updated with... YAWN.

- My scalp is really dry and tight. It's driving me insaaane. Moisturise me, moisturise me.
- I feel dizzy in my head.
- Been running around all over the city like a blue-arsed fly all week. I should go up the wooden hill and get loads of sleep, but that's boring, and I didn't wake up properly until midday today, so going to bed now would feel like a precious waste of hours that I could otherwise idle away reading nutty blogs/communities.
- New clothes arrived: under the cut )

SWISH SWISH. There are loads more, but I won't spam.

- NaNoWriMo is... naaah. I like what I have, but I don't really have the passion/attention span for it.
- Christmas ballet show is all planned and choreographed; just needs moar rehearsals. Can't wait.
- Album... still not complete...
- No fleas! YAY!

- A debate I spotted in comments on [livejournal.com profile] asexuality reminded me of when I was at school and we had to pretend to be handwriting experts writing a magazine column, analysing the handwriting of people who wrote in. Kids were all, 'Their Ys have large swooping tails, which means they are romantic,' and our teacher wasn't sure if we should be using 'he/she' or 'they' if the gender of the writer wasn't clear, and there was a debate which I avoided completely by writing in a colloquial second person format: 'Your Ys have large swooping tails, which means you're a romantic at heart, you old softie, you.'
- English needs proper non-gendery pronouns.
- On the theme of aces, the concept of attractiveness is really causing big brainache at the moment. I keep looking at different types of people... I DON'T GET IT. I just... what is it?! I think it's 'cause I caught up on Hollyoaks (shut up, it's awesome) earlier, and there was 'antics'... Lee was going around asking boys if they thought they were attractive because he couldn't tell, being a straight boy. And then there's people on Facebook saying I should dress more like a girl because I'm feminine, and a girl, and I was just... Iunno. 'You're so pretty, I wish you would believe it yourself, and stick some suspenders and lippy on.' And undies as well; pretty undies. What's the point?! Does it really make a difference? All the things people do/tell me to do, in order to fit the definition of attractive, and I don't get what it's all about. It just... bafflé. More than ever.
- Tooth is broken. Probably needs crown. I'm not even gonna... *seethes*
- Tummy ache, as normal.
- Acne. Pizza face. Can't eat my, can't eat my, no you can't eat my pizza face.
- Kinkmeme made me cry loltears again.
- Get off my television, Andre. Seriously. Knobtwat.
- There really are some ridiculous songs out there at the moment. 'If anybody sees her, shine a light on her'? What for? And what... aim the car headlights at her? Maglite in the face, or what?
gemsybobsy: (ballet2)
I hate cleaning. I don't want to do it. I love doggies. I want to be Mutts and Mutts!

Hobby 1:
Dancing is awesome. We're doing a Christmas show; it's all so cute. Took all the classes by myself on Tuesday. I seem to get on with kids even though they terrify me. They like me 'cause I'm daft. Being slowly convinced that I should do my exams and be a teacher.

Hobby 2:
I just really want to be IN MY BAND, ON A STAGE, PLAYING GIGS IN BERLIN AND THINGS, BUT EVERYONE'S BEING TOO SLOW ABOUT IT. It's been two years in progress now, and I'm getting so impatient! Live mixes, now? WE HAVE TO HAVE SO MANY MIXES. I just want to GET ON THE DAMN STAAAGE.

Obligatory moans:
My mind is being all noisy and I'm not getting much sleep. I look disgusting. On Tuesday my nan said, "You look knackered, girl." Awesome. I feel it, tbh. And ill, again. I have felt sick for a whole week. I haven't [TMI]been to the loo[/TMI] since Monday night before I got on the scaryplane. IBS/anxiety/depression/etc is balls, I tell you. And I have this lumpy feeling under my right rib cage; it feels like there's something in there, and nobody will believe me. 'It's just cartilage.' 'It's just glands.' 'It's just your soft ribs.' It's not supposed to feel like that! It gets all tender and owies, and it feels like it pops when I cough and when I bend over quickly, or do anything, in fact. Doing my swede in. And my toof is broken AGAIN. That'll be another £200. I need a new body, plz.



gemsybobsy: (Default)

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