Tails from the Bark Side

Did I really just see a Sherlock/John fanvid (ewww) featuring ‘Closer’ by NIN? Really? Man. I guess it had to happen eventually. I think, within the month or so that's passed (woah, feels like a lifetime) since I dived into this shiny, new and extraordinary fandom, I have already seen all the hackneyed fanworx in the world. But really, come on. ‘Closer’? That’s just taking the piss. I'm not going to rant about slash, not today anyway, but once again I have a feeling that people honestly are under the impression that fanfic has to mean erotica. Even the well-intentioned asexy_sherlock fics are based around sexual experiences. So, new fandom, once more I have to ask: WHY IS EVERYBODY OBSESSED WITH SEX? And: WHERE IS ALL THE GREAT GENFIC? I thought there'd be loads of it in Sherlock fandom, because there's such scope, character, history, canon... You could pick any case, any situation, and stick modern-day Sherlock and John right in there. They're so freelance they might as well have a TARDIS, but no... Unlikely gay sex scene no. 124. Int: 221B Baker Street, the bedroom. There be touching and things. Boring. Dull. Predictable.

I've never really been interested in watching modern Holmes adaptations because I was convinced they'd sex him up. I only watched this one because bossmew and scarletstudy actual poked me with sticks until I downloaded it. "WATCH IT RIGHT NOW HE'S LIEK A BAMF TIEMLOARD GEMSY OMFG YOU WILL LOVE IT!" So after the BBC dudes done oh so good, and made me scream with that cliffhanger, I knew there'd be a metric fuckton of great fanfic online. So in I went, and correct I was: I've seen some great ones. There are loads of interesting, captivating and well-written stories that suck me right in because they're so in character and astonishingly well-written. Buuut, again, the subject matter makes me shake my head and mumble things like, 'Oh I see. That old chestnut. Injury plus comfort equals sex, what else is new.' Pain, violence, sex and more sex.

As an avid reader of fanfiction (I've been at it for over ten years now) I’ve gained so much insight into them dodgy human brainz. I've learned so much stuff I'd otherwise know nothing about. Straight sex, gay sex, non-consensual sex, torture, murder, the medical stuff they don't cover on ER, death... you name it. In so much more detail than you would ever see on telly. The really dark, disturbing things people fantasise about but don't dare talk about. The kinds of things you can't surreptitiously research in the library on a Saturday afternoon. Then there are the literary lessons I've learned; how to keep a character in character, how not to. The styles, tropes and the clichés I will forever avoid, because I’ve seen them so often that they actually disgust me now. The sorts of things that would make me throw a book down the stairs, had I read them in one of those and not on an expensive computer screen. Things about blue eyes, long dark eyelashes resting on pale cheeks… you know what I mean. A major source of enjoyment and annoyance in my life. And in fandom, while I am not generally an active contributor of worx, I always know who’s been inspired by whom, what's been done and what hasn't, who’s obviously come from another fandom I know well, and so on. I’m afraid it’s all merged into one big cliché. People are using the same ideas and 'kinks' over and over. You have to really search (and often, indeed, use the science of deduction) to find the good stuff.

This all sounds rather ungrateful and I feel like a bellend for criticising something I don’t try to do any better at myself (I suck at writing characters. They always just end up being me.) I still love it all, honestly; any new spin on a character I love from a fellow fan – allons-y! Even unlikely sex is good, sometimes, if it doesn’t make me want to throw things. I'm still constantly amazed at how brilliant people are at writing, and the Sherlock fandom is so nuts and prolific and fantastic. Can we just have something new? I dunno what. Maybe I should STFU complaining and write something myself. Or maybe think of a prompt to put in one of the massive fic memes. It's one of those things though; I don’t know what I actually want to read. I’ll know when I see it! I guess you don't know what you need in your life at all until you discover it.

Oh I'm reading this book, which is interesting. It is also why I'm thinking about fanfic and not doing my End of Course Assessment like I should be.