*sobs all over journal*
Nov. 2nd, 2010 10:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gemsybobsyI woke up (too late) to find the spots on my cheek had 'filled up' again. The tummy ache I've had for 3 days was still nagging away. Didz had pooed in the lounge again. Someone in a Micra bumped me at the roundabout. I got stuck in traffic everywhere and was late for everything. The car reeks of petrol and needs to go to car hospital again. I need a new one but the money I had saved all went on car insurance and our silly pop music. I managed to cover the spots and to arrange my stupid mop of hair into something that resembles the hairstyle of a human, but then I looked up in the mirror and caught my reflection with herp-derp eyes looking in different directions, and I just started sobbing. I'm ugly, nearly thirty and I have no money; my stuff is all breaking, I've filled my life up with all sorts of meaningless stuff but I'm still just so BORED of EVERYTHING... I don't do anything worthwhile with my life/ability/creativity, I just bumble around being a cleaner and then I come home and eat, and I'll probably no friends left soon either because I've just publicly spat the dummy over the fact that I've just come home and looked at Facebook to find that my friend has royally stepped on my toes by announcing a party on the day she knew I wanted to get everyone together for a meal... and the banana and yoghurt loaf I'm baking won't cook in the sodding middle.
Not impressed. It's all hormonal of course; I do wish my body would stop being all female about the place.
Still, today when I was in the park with Max and Holly and Lucy, I noticed that the autumn leaves are really pretty. Then Jeremy Vine had a feature about them. A lady e-mailed to say that she was walking in the park and the colours made her cry, which made me cry, because things like that make me cry too. I often feel like I don't love or care about anything, but then I cry over the colour of leaves. What.
The Promise of Trees.
In flaming colour and umber murmur
of terracotta-rusted glamour
we speak our sunset-streaked vermilion valour
of wordless dying.
In city streets and ducal parkland,
on urban squares and heath and moor
we make again the promise which we pledged each year before:
that dying is... nothing.
Trust us.
This mere one fire failing, solely, one greenness-ailing
is the great-cycle, grand-sadness of one season’s farewell bidding
phoenix foliage ridding
our sturdy selves of another verdant year
the sloughing, shrugging, shedding of the necessary tear.
Trust us;
this amber-plumed, ochre pyre
is heart to the promise we give;
that we die and are mourned and are lost.
But that next year we live.
Lucy Berry
Oh, and I'm doing NaNoWriMo. I think. I've always wanted to. I'll probably give up by tomorrow. Oh, and my friend and I just worked things out by text. Oh, and
the loaf came out alright in the end. That bit sliced off there? See it? Just there, steaming away? IN MY BELLY. :D
Not impressed. It's all hormonal of course; I do wish my body would stop being all female about the place.
Still, today when I was in the park with Max and Holly and Lucy, I noticed that the autumn leaves are really pretty. Then Jeremy Vine had a feature about them. A lady e-mailed to say that she was walking in the park and the colours made her cry, which made me cry, because things like that make me cry too. I often feel like I don't love or care about anything, but then I cry over the colour of leaves. What.
The Promise of Trees.
In flaming colour and umber murmur
of terracotta-rusted glamour
we speak our sunset-streaked vermilion valour
of wordless dying.
In city streets and ducal parkland,
on urban squares and heath and moor
we make again the promise which we pledged each year before:
that dying is... nothing.
Trust us.
This mere one fire failing, solely, one greenness-ailing
is the great-cycle, grand-sadness of one season’s farewell bidding
phoenix foliage ridding
our sturdy selves of another verdant year
the sloughing, shrugging, shedding of the necessary tear.
Trust us;
this amber-plumed, ochre pyre
is heart to the promise we give;
that we die and are mourned and are lost.
But that next year we live.
Lucy Berry
Oh, and I'm doing NaNoWriMo. I think. I've always wanted to. I'll probably give up by tomorrow. Oh, and my friend and I just worked things out by text. Oh, and
the loaf came out alright in the end. That bit sliced off there? See it? Just there, steaming away? IN MY BELLY. :D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2010-11-02 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-02 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-03 12:53 am (UTC)I made a wicked veggie stew tonight and my teen went back for seconds.
You're pop music isn't silly and if you're going to be selling then you're getting three albums worth of money from me when I know the price. I'm gonna give one to my mate who heard just 30 seconds of it when I was on the phone to her and wants a copy, I know my mum will love it so I'm buying a copy for her and I want a copy as well. Also, I wants it signed missy, it won't sound right if it's not signed lol.
Seriously, you're not a cleaner, you're a business woman. All 'profeshanul innit!"
Crying has been proved to be good for you. If you feel like having a cry, go and do it, coz the science nerdles say it helps you get rid of toxins in the body that make you sad.
That's why you sometimes feel a bit better after a good cry, then when you've had the cry, it's best to put something silly on the tv to make you laugh your tits off. I watch Hooligans Island, (bottom live) always makes me giggle.
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Date: 2010-11-04 12:28 am (UTC)If crying is good for you, then I must be really healthy! I'm alright now, lots of things made me laugh and realise the world isn't such a bad place. For NOW. DUN DUN dunnn.
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Date: 2010-11-04 12:54 am (UTC)Yeah, and I had your song stuck in my head all weekend after only hearing it twice. I went back to have another listen but the linky is bOrked now. lol.
WEE WOO YAARR!
I can still remember a bit of it though, which means it's a good one. :D
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Date: 2010-11-03 05:19 am (UTC)As for NaNo...whee, NaNo! I'm always glad to see someone else on the bandwagon. <3 How's it going today? It's after six and I still haven't started for the day...I need to get me some tea, and then it's all on for the evening. :D
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Date: 2010-11-04 12:26 am (UTC)2068 words so far! I'm actually finding it a complete chore. I've never written a novel before, only short things and half-arsed fanfic! I've only ever been all about the concise, and I have no idea how to stretch words out! Nearly on target though. :D
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Date: 2010-11-03 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-04 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-03 08:13 am (UTC)Otherwise ... *hugs*
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Date: 2010-11-04 12:24 am (UTC)This one here! It's very nice. :D
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Date: 2010-11-04 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-04 12:52 am (UTC)However, you are an awesome person if you can make a good banana loaf. Seriously that stuffs like crack.
Also good luck with Nanowrimo :D Just think of it as 1700 words a day it makes it so much less daunting. I'm Suki_Stardust on there too if you desire a writing buddy on nano :)
Chin up, we all have bad days find a dog and snuggle it til it's eyes bulge a little :P
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Date: 2010-11-05 01:05 am (UTC)Good luck to you too, with NaNo! I'm disillusioned with it already, I doubt myself too much. But I'll struggle on! I am indeed hugging the hell out of my doggies lately, and singing songs to them. :D x