In space, nobody can hear you whinge.

(I posted this earlier then accidentally deleted it. Well done me.)

I've been helping my teacher Chrissy to teach tiny ballerinas on Tuesday afternoons, like I used to do when I was 15. It's so much fun but they do scare me to death, those little ballerinas. I'm no good at interacting with grown-up humans at the best of times, so when they're tiny cheeky starey versions of humans... massive eep. I have to get used to talking to children though, because I really do think they are brilliant (under all the scary), and because I'm a grown-up human (apparently) who is going to have a second niece/nephew around July... and, well, they are going to be saying things to me for the next... zillion years.

It's weird how I get so self-conscious. I don't get how in some situations I can be loud and silly and not give much of a toss, but other times I can't say boo to a goose (stupid expression, that.) I guess it's when I feel like I'm under pressure, or something. I go all shy and stupid. With new people, and if I'm in a position of responsibility especially. I am like this in my own ballet class - I just can't think of anything to say to the other ladies, and I just feel constantly embarrassed. When I worked at B&Q I was scared of everyone. I hate it, because it's not really me - the real me is really rather loud and silly. I still get like it when I go into B&Q as well. Today I went in for a tarpaulin and Debbie was all, "Hello! You've changed, your hair's really short now!" I went, "Yeah, *giggle*, yeah it is, *giggle*...thanks," and ran away. WHY DID I SAY THANKS?! She didn't say it looked nice! OH LORD. Such an idiot. I get all nervous and tongue-tied and come out with, like, strings of ridiculous words. And then of course I'll think about what I said all the way home (and years later, sometimes!) and... I should just superglue my face right into my palm in all honesty.

However, get me on a stage and I carry on like my confidence is made of 68 flavours of awesomesauce. If I'm singing though, or saying lines or dancing well-rehearsed steps, I know exactly what I've got to do and there's minimal risk of making a tit of one's self. That's it - it's improvisation I don't like. Cringey. Life is one big improvisation. Haha.

It's also insanely good at the moment though, so I'll stop whinging. I am happy! For three main reasons - 1. I'm healthy(ish), 2. because even though I don't have a lot of money I'm doing so many cool things with my life, and 3. because the motherlovin' amazing doctorwhy is back!

Haha.

Greetings from thebarkside. :D
You have to re-add me because I'm a dozy mare. But everything should be public from now on anyway tbh.