gemsybobsy: (five)
So, earlier, while dealing with this name-change thing of mine and the tweaking that goes with all that paranoia kerfuffle, I found myself getting the 'ump because I suddenly realised that anybody can look at my Facebook photos. It didn't really click before. I imagined friends of friends, strangers and particular [insert insult]s from life/wherever strolling through my albums at their leisure. I don't know why I decided to care today. I thought about why I might've decided to care today for quite a while. Then I thought, maybe I should just be more discreet? Or just STFU altogether, and give everyone a break? Then I thought about who actually cares who says what on the internet. I don't think I like horrible strangers and bastards and ex-friends reading about my life. I obviously do like nice strangers reading it because I'm STILL JOURNALLING IN PUBLIC. WHAT THE CAPSLOCK IS GOING ON WITH MY HEAD PLEASE. Normally I wouldn't care who reads what, I never have really. I has no shame. But tonight I got so confused about it all and there was emo. Reliving pain from all that stuff, leading to tears because the rubbishbrane decided then would be a good time to remind me that I'll never have anyone to stroke my hair again (am actually a kitten) and blah... eventually I settled on the popular single thought of dying alone in a pool of my own woe without having achieved anything, and focussed on that for a while. Brilliant.

Now, again, brain won't shut it and I can't sleep. I only got four hours last night too. What's going on? I've been so happy with everything else. No money, but no problems either. If my brain is going to go about inventing reasons to be a miserable old tosser, I do wish it would take five minutes just to tell me what they are! I don't have anything important to do tomorrow (today) at least, because I fail at bringing home the bacon. Not that I want any damn bacon. I'm going to get up, go downstairs, cuddle my beard and maybe eat some ice-cream with edible ball bearings.

gemsybobsy: (doctor)
I had a big entry planned about the Doctor but I ended up expending my geeky energy in the relevant board thread. Ohhh, Doctor. You broke my hearts. You were fantastic. Molto bene. I'm going to miss you so much. Oh shut iiit, he's not just a telly character. He has pretty much got me through these past five years. He inspired me to soldier on through so much brainfail and sadness. He made me laugh, he made me cry, and all those other lovely clichés. It wasn't just about aliens and spaceships and fings - he taught me that no matter how much things hurt, no matter how often I feel useless and insignificant and trapped and bored and limited... life is always worth so much.

I don't want you to go. :(

I have nothing else to say right now. Well, I probably do. My brain is going CRAZY and I want to say loads of things. Everything. But I'm just writing about thinking about things instead of writing what I'm thinking about. And playing some Roxy Music. I don't know. What? How is it nearly 1am already? Time is going far too quickly right now. It's unnerving. All this stuff going on to be talking about, but guess what? I'm bored. Alas. How about you ask me some silly things?

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gemsybobsy

August 2020

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