I dunno.

[gemsybobsy]

Sick of everything. Sick of having nothing to enjoy and nothing to look forward to. Sick of sitting here all the time on my own, miles away from my family and most of my mates, with no money, nothing to really call my own, earning minimum wage doing shit as fuck jobs and having to give it all to a shit company for a fucking shit van that is a rusty heap of bollocks. I got the job at B&Q because I was 'flexible', then I accepted the GSF cleaning jobs because, "Even if it's just for the time being, it's money innit?" So now I have to worry about juggling the two, as well as all the dogs I'm still supposed to be walking. On top of that, I have Riley staying next week, which is when the cleaning job starts. These rotties will be here too. Cleaning from 7am - 6pm Monday - Friday, and I'll be coming back to walk them all at lunchtime and I know I'll come home to destruction. Then B&Q at the weekends. I'm taking on too much at once and it's already stressing me out.

I just want a nice career. I don't have massive hopes, just a nice job that I won't get bored of, that pays well and doesn't stress me out. I don't even care about doing part time hours anymore, because I have two dogs now and they can keep each other company. I'm doing all this for them, can you believe it? The only reason I left my comfortable (yeah okay it was boring) office job was because, for some stupid reason, I wanted these horrible creatures. Horrible creatures, who tonight, in 15 minutes:

• Scent-marked the entire house.
  
• Did a massive runny poo in the back porch. The most eggy, foul smelling runny shite pile I have ever witnessed. I gagged and my eyes actually welled up with tears while trying to scoop it up.
  
• Floyd is obsessed with Dolly, who apparently is not in season.
  
• Dolly is mental and soppy and literally flops against my leg whenever I stand still. I have tripped over her three times and nearly put my knee out of joint.
  
• Angry Floyd is angry, and keeps going for Ted.
  
• Ellie hates Ted too, even though Ted only wants to play. So she keeps yapping in his face, and bursting my ears with the pitch. GOD.
  
• Then they all went outside and had a barking competition, and completely ignored me calling them in.

Just, go the fuck home, all of you. Sick of you. Sorry for all the fucking bad language. When I left Dad's after my third Christmas Day on Saturday night, I cried the whole way home. I didn't want to come 'home'. I miss my daddy and my mum and my bro and Katy and my sis and I didn't want to give that little baby to someone else to cuddle and get up and put my coat on and drive all the way across town. The only reason I did come back when I did was because Dave and Sarah were coming over, and they didn't even fucking show up. When I'm around the family they say things like, "Oh yeah that was funny, remember that what Bob said..." and I'm like, "No, when was that?" And they go, "Oh we randomly went to Glastonbury to see some birds." And I just feel jealous and left out and I know it's only 'cause they think I'm busy and 'have my own life now' but I haven't, I just go out and scream at dogs then sit here on the internet on my own all day and all evening, having palpitations.

boomboom boom boom

Comments

[napoleandy.livejournal.com]

"Sick of everything. Sick of having nothing to enjoy and nothing to look forward to. Sick of sitting here all the time on my own"

I had that last week :( Really bad in fact although I DO have things to look forward to but I just don't realise it or maybe I'm ungrateful. I don't know :(