Aeroplane.

I'm on an aeroplane, mofos, and I have three seats to myself, electricity for my laptop, movies on demand and as much food and drink as I want. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. So far I've been lucky on my six cheap-ass United flights; I've only had middle seats twice, and those were on the shorter hops. I've had the window twice and the aisle once in the 747 on the way over. Winner! Also, taking my inflatable mattress with me was the best idea I ever had. I got 4 hours of comfortable sleep on the floor in the departure lounge, interrupted only by the occasional announcement that managed to get through my earphone defence. I was so worried that this trip would be a nightmare after I got to my second flight (Denver - Newark) one minute before the doors were closed because my flight from Ontario was delayed, even though it was a continuation of the same bloody flight number, wtf, and there was no spaces left for my bag and I had to put it in the steward's special cupboard and I just felt so sorry for myself that I cried because my holiday is over and I was tired and I miss rhymeswithbooze already. I am loving this, though. I have my legs stretched out across all three seats and the steward is laughing at me. Less lolz and more coffee, please!

Or cheese and plastic ravioli, that'll do.