Unexpected rant!

[gemsybobsy]

When I tell people I'm asexual, I'm sure they think I've simply found this label, liked it, and therefore go out of my way to stick to it by abstaining. Oh it's all a bit of a lol, Gemsy's found something new on the intarwebs. What's she into these days? Predicting that I'm just nervous, anxious, scared of commitment; that I'll turn when I meet the right man. "You'll meet a nice lad one day." Oh really, why's that then? Because I'm not sexually interested in men or women, I must be damaged and therefore secretly heterosexual, because that's the default? People assume that any arguing on my part for the fact that

I'm a grown-up, I know my own mind, and I know I'm not interested

means that I've found this description of people that I identify with and have CHANGED MY PERSONALITY accordingly, or that I am suppressing my personality in some way so that I always match this label. Y'know, for funsies. "You're not REALLY asexual, you just haven't met the right person yet." I'm not 'secretly' a rampant sex fan. Build a bridge and get over it.

So, I've found a label that I identify with, I've 'come out', and I feel a bit of inner-peace at the fact that I've finally found I'm not the only one in the world who feels like this. Ergo, I'm happy with this label. Er, no. Not really. I've gone out of my comfort zone numerous times to try to prove to the world and myself that I'm really a sexual creature underneath. I've tried experimenting with people. Didn't work. I tried a proper, adult relationship. Didn't work. My last post on AVEN recently was something like, "Hi again, I'm not new but I never post, probably 'cause I'm always trying to kid myself that I'm not asexual." I keep introducing myself in the newbie area and forgetting to go back. I don't really want to hang out there. I don't want to spend hours discussing asexuality. I don't WANT this label. I don't want to have to cut people out of my life because of it. I wish people would fucking think for a second before laughing at me, and realise that I'VE LOST PEOPLE because of this. I'm not just being stubborn for the sake of it. I don't want another thing that makes me weird and different. I wish people could understand this, but no amount of talking seems to make them understand. They need that validation, differentiation... They need to be able to say, "Oh, I'm his/her SEXUAL partner, that makes me more valuable." I wish I could know what that's like.

I think Morrissey said something like, "People always assume people are celibate through choice, but they don't consider that people might not want to be like that." It really isn't a lifestyle choice. It's an orientation, like all the others. I didn't choose to be like this. I don't like this label being my defining feature. I just want to get on with my life. I can't though, not in this society, where everybody's sex life is everybody's business. I'm forced to discuss it. I'm fed up with having to think about it, and I'm sick of being laughed at by doctors and therapists. I'm fed up with falling out with people because they're adamant I might change my mind after a few. I wouldn't mind being like this if it were more acceptable, if there were more of us. But it seems that everywhere I go it's pretty much the last greatest taboo, and every time I use the truth as a reason not to get in there and touch somebody up, I just get laughed at. I've said it before, but I find it no surprise that people are more willing to believe that people are into animals, objects and children than not into sex at all.

Celibacy is the only real perversion. (Oscar Wilde?)

My friends seem to have accepted it, they know me and it's not such a big deal. That's why they're my friends, you see. ♥

Anyway last night I had an awesome dream, that me and Jeannie and Ellie and Steve were going from Ringwood to Southampton in heavy snow, in Steve's old Fiesta, with seven dogs. Hilarious. Jeannie got in the front with Ellie (who was still a baby in my dream) and I got in the back with the dogs. We were listening to Iggy Pop, really loudly, and the car kept sliding around on the ice and we crashed loads, but it didn't matter? It was like a bumper car. Ronnie was there, and Zac, Riley, and Max and Maggie I think. Funny as fuck. Aw, I miss all those people.

I'm looking for a new car (which is probably why I dreamt about one!) Keep a look out for some bargains for me? I'm thinking Japanese, estate, petrol, cheap...

Comments

[hullabalo-o.livejournal.com]

as unbrokenreality said to me once people SUCK

you know i never care what people are like
but for people to say "oh you havent found the right one" is bollocks you know YOU others don't grr to them all BIG FAT GRRR

gemsy you is awesome end of

[thebarkside.livejournal.com]

I just read this back and it sounds so pretentious/accusing/lame. People probably don't think any of this. This is probably what I would think if somebody else told me they were asexual, haha. It's just the objective argument really. I have a hard enough time getting my head around it so I dunno why I expect the hot-blooded sexy people to understand! :D

Heehee, the rant came from somewhere though I guess.

[hullabalo-o.livejournal.com]

don't worry my mass rant the other day pretty much did the same thing
well i think you is doing alright ya' know

and rants (i wrote rats?) are better out than in pet

[thebarkside.livejournal.com]

Cheers hun :D ♥
They certainly are better out than in, I guess that's why I has this journal, haha.

[bossmew.livejournal.com]

Wifey, when I look at you I just see awesome.
It's the only label that fits

[thebarkside.livejournal.com]

♥ Thank you wifey bb. Luff you! x

[claireoujisama.livejournal.com]

I know some of what you feel. <3 I just can't do relationships. I never have been able to, and I doubt I ever will be able to -- because I am just not wired that way. People laugh at me, say I'll change. I'm twenty-seven years old and have never been in a relationship because my attempts have just hurt both me and the person who thought they could change me. But the way you phrased it...it struck a chord. It's an orientation like any other, and I didn't choose it. It's just...yeah. Your post has made me simultaneously glad and sad, because I'm not the only one. [hugs] And neither are you. <3

[sparklywalls.livejournal.com]

I get "you haven't met the right lad yet" from people who can't accept there's not a bone in my body that wants to procreate. Fuck off. What an insult to the man in my life for a start! Maybe, a tiny maybe, I will change my mind one day but people need to stop fucking implying that I need to meet the "right man" and will instantly go "OMG UR BABIES IN ME NOW PLZ!"

So I can understand your HATE for that phrase from a different angle. Just like I'm not going to look at a guy and as if by magic want him to fill me with children, you're not going to look at a guy and magically decide you are a sex-pest. It doesn't work that way!

People who are a sexuality that involves having sex don't seem to understand the lack of desire for it. I don't seem to have a problem. People hate fish but I don't say "I really like fish! How can you NOT want fish!" so why should I say that about sex? I like it, some people don't. Big deal.

Even when you are a sexual person people put these stupid rules on it. At uni a guy once said to me that I can't possibly have a high sex drive because I don't like going out on a night and shagging anything that offers. His argument was that if you have a high sex drive you NEED sex so will do anything to get it. Um, in my sexless periods I just masturbated a lot. It might not be exactly the same but it keeps the horniness at bay. Ffs.

Urgh, people are so STUPID.

[cottoncandy85.livejournal.com]

I understand perfectly that some people don't want to have kids, however, PLEASE don't have them just because your partner does. If you change your mind, fine. But when I was doing the au pair thing, it became clear to me that the woman had got the kids either because her husband wanted them, or because this was something she thought was expected from her.

Unlike her husband, she did not like to be around them too much. If I asked the kids what they did during the weekend, tehy'd often say they did this or that with daddy. The mom might be with them but not join in, or shopping or doing something else, I rarely saw her joining in.

She wanted her job, her friends, her personal alone time much more than she wanted to be around her children. When she was around them, and they started to misbehave, her patience ran out very quickly, and she'd shout at them. This in particular with the more tomboyish girl, who was often overshadowed by her well-behaved little brother, and saw misbehaving as her only chance to get some attention from mom.

I'm not saying that I'll be the perfect mom, but I hope and pray I have more love, time and patience to give to my children than that.