http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Asexual

[gemsybobsy]

"Facebook/wherever says you're a man."
"I'm as male as I am female, which is to say not very."
"Hahaha, of course you're female, you're blatantly a female."
"...Well, I'm not inside, that's the point."

No more talk of androgyny please, I'm confused.

People just can't take the hint. I mention this sort of thing as casually as I can, in real life, online, with everybody. The number of times I've been told to to shut up, that I'm talking bollocks - "Of course you're not asexual, you're just scared of sex 'cause your parents split up, of course you're not genderless, you're a woman, you're all woman, a beautiful, curvaceous woman with fantastic breasts" (weeell, that may've been exaggerated slightly) - but accusing me of putting myself down, that I'm just a bit worried about being with somebody, I just need to get over myself and enjoy life, I'm always being so down on myself. Thing is though mate, I'm not. I'm cheerfully and casually telling you the truth about my life, because I want to change this perception people have that asexuals are obviously unhappy, repressed, miserable beings with no pleasures to delight in, or to speak of; and that because I can't force myself into playing the role I was supposedly born to play - even though I have tried and tried again - I must hate myself. I must be so unhappy. If they were gender-less (NB: not -free) and asexual, they would be unhappy. So, to cheer me up, they tell me what they think I want to hear. That it's all imaginary. Brilliant! They mean so well, but they get it so, so wrong. They're telling me that who I am is wrong and incomprehensible.

I suffer from depression as it goes, and confusion about my sexuality and my place in life is a big part of that. People dismissing the things I am sure about makes me feel worse. It reinforces the confusion and makes me want to change, which is what makes me miserable. I can't change. This is the way I am. I can't accept being a woman, a sexual woman or a girlfriend if it all feels wrong. It's not something new. It's always felt wrong. 'Getting over it' wouldn't make me happy. Being who I am makes me happy. I don't know what else I can do (short of radical surgery/brain transplant/telepathy/leaving this entry public) to make people listen to me. It's so difficult, trying to tell people how I feel but at the same time, not make it a big deal. Because it isn't a big deal. I don't feel female and I don't experience sexual attraction. That's it. It sounds confusing, but it's really not. I'm not saying I want my own pronouns or anything like that, consider me female, call me 'Woman' (Anna does, haha), call me 'her', call me Stay-ceeee... whatever, I don't mind, it's not a big deal. But laughing and telling me I'm being silly for describing myself how I chose to describe myself - well, it hurts. I'm me and if you're going to love me I want you to love me for who I am, not despite of my depression/repression/confusion, or for what I am underneath it. I don't know. Just listen to me, and stop telling me what you think I want to hear.

I dunno what else to tell ya.

(Cross-posted to asexuality, sorry if you got it twice!)

Comments

[wincyspider.livejournal.com]

Facebook should just have an option for "awesome" and leave it at that. Its a shame that people can't seem to leave alone and accept things, but bang on trying to change it just cos something doesn't seem to fit into their understanding of the world.

[thebarkside.livejournal.com]

Too right! I long for a world where there's a few more accepted genders, haha. I posted this rant to my asexuality community and am having a massive rant with a load of other aces. Feel a bit happier, but still. RAAAAARGH.

[cottoncandy85.livejournal.com]

They call me her, they call me Gemma, they call me girl, they call me bird, that's not my name, that's not my name..?

I think it should be like in Finland and everyone would be "hän". No need to separate sexes.

[thebarkside.livejournal.com]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the more I hear about Finland the more mad I think you are to have left! :D

[piggelin.livejournal.com]

OKAY MAKE SPACE FOR RESIDENT FEMINIST *pushes aside*

Fuck dat shit dude.

Gender is a sociologically constructed concept. Yes, as human beings we are born with "male" or "female" sexual organs, but, just like everything else, it's what's on the inside that counts. So what, if you're a woman who thinks like a man, a man who thinks like a woman, or a person who doesn't think in a "gendered" way, it shouldn't matter. If I had my way, I'd slap society for making girls be girls and boys be boys and not leaving it an open ended option. I'd kick it for making people think it is so important to define themselves because they've got boobs or willies or whatever. Whether they're gay, straight, bi, asexual whatever. It's THESE people who need to change, not YOU.

So long as you can at least accept yourself, that's all that matters. To me, you'll always be Gemsy - a little bit like a concept, a little bit like a state of mind, but a great big bit of ÜBERMEGAHAMMERGEIL.

[thebarkside.livejournal.com]

YES DAMNIT. It's their intolerance and their problem, I know this. I want to go around and give everyone a little dose of empathy. Thank you!

ÜBERMEGAHAMMERGEIL! I LOVE IT!