gemsybobsy: (walkies)
I was first diagnosed with IBS when I was about 17 years old, although it probably went on before that. I have been back to see various doctors a few times since, always with similar complaints. I broke down one time and told one doctor that I couldn’t take it anymore, and he said, "Well, we know it can’t be anything really nasty, because you haven’t dropped dead yet." Brilliant. I’ve been on countless tablets for it; been prescribed sachets and potions and capsules and nothing has worked. I’ve never been referred to a specialist, and when I asked a different doctor about further tests, she actually laughed and said, "It would be nice if the NHS could stretch to that, but…"
This is long, and there's a little bit of TMI but it's not too graphic! )
Lately though, I think I’ve gone a stage further. I decided to experiment with low carb, to try and shift this pesky druggy weight (lol). For the past week I’ve eaten quite Atkins-like. I’ve just been trying to keep carbs low, but keep fibre in. Apart from one popcorn binge and one huge Jammy Dodger binge, I’ve not had any grains or starches – none of my usual piles of chips, rice/oat cakes, rice, oats, corn, noodles or quinoa. I’ve also refrained from eating fruit, apart from a few frozen blueberries. I’ve missed these foods, because they are my daily staples! Cutting them out has meant I’ve eaten a lot more leafy veg and protein instead, and, as an unintended and surprising result, my tummy has been amazing. FLAT. FLAT! Less wind and really healthy poos. No pain! The 'lump' under my rib isn't as noticeable! And! I’ve lost 3lbs. I will carry on experimenting and researching, because while I’ve done a bit of reading on grain-free diets (sort of like the paleo/stone-age diet), I don’t know if it’s the healthiest way to be. But, at the moment, I am a little bit excited.
gemsybobsy: (ballet)
I am ignoring and abusing you. Sorry, poor ickle diary. I've been really busy, trying to scrape in money to pay for a house I'm never in because I'm too busy running around Southampton like a blue-arsed fly. I've had two more bloody parking fines and had to apply for housing benefit because the council and the tax man are taking all my money. And, I am having a bit of a health scare really. I went for a CT scan for the migraines, and then my doctor sent me a letter saying,

'While it all looks generally absolutely fine there is one slight region where it looks like you might have a very small cyst. These are relatively common things to find and it has probably been there your whole life without causing you any problems. It is probably completely unrelated to the symptoms you have been having.'

So I had to go back for an MRI on Tuesday, which was lots of fun; got to have a dye injected in my arm but still didn't see a picture of my brain. Damnit! Just waiting again now, for the results. I'm not too bothered about it. Kind of blank about the whole thing. I think I might be eating my feelings, though. I haven't stopped stuffing my face since the first scan. Stupid fat is stupid back with a stupid vengeance, and I'm more annoyed about that than the wrong shiz apparently kicking off in my brain.

In more exciting news - the dancing show is in two weeks, and I'm in the opening tap number so I have GOT to shift this extra weight. Bum wobbles! We have been making loads of costumes and stuff. SO MUCH FUNS.
gemsybobsy: (choccy)
No brainpain today, but I feel so 'eye-y', if ya get me. Heavy eyelids. I also feel slightly trippy. Maybe it's just my eyes causing the migraines? Too much computering. I'm working in my old office this week, and I did last week too. I'm covering reception (ARGH PHOANS H8H8H8) but the work itself is quite fun; reports, PAT testing, faxing, copying, deciphering the messages left by potential cleaners on the recruitment line... Brings back memories! Tonight I had to walk a pack o' dawgs before and then go and clean a house afterwards, and then it was ballet! A long, busy busy day. Loads of achy bits, for the win! Lots and lots of posé turns which did wonders for shaking up my brain a bit more. Lolz.

I have realised that since I've managed to mostly dig my way out of the ol' depression rut, I go through moments where I have absolutely no self-consciousness at all. Sometimes, I am quite the extrovert. I realised this tonight while browsing in the Co-Op for bargains - I often do this on the way home from ballet as it's bargainaceous in there after 9pm. I realised that all the daft little thoughts I have in my head just seem to pop out of my mouth and I don't care who hears them. Haha. I saw a chocolate bar I fancied, 'Yumnum! I like it, gimme one o' them!' I do it all day at the office too, and sing little songs. 'Oh Didz, let's file this monthly service report, it's all done and finished, oh yeah, oh yeah...' I don't even know where this silliness came from because there was a time when I'd be too scared to even cough loudly in the office or in a shop or ANYWHERE, really, in case I got JUDGED or looked at or in case I exploded or whatever. I'd be silly with my close friends but it'd only be when my guard was down, which was hardly ever. Now my guard just pretty much stays down and Gemsy is out o' the bag. :D

Idk, maybe it's just an age thing. My nan's always chatted to randomers in shops and what have you. I chat to everyone these days. Tonight I handed the choccy to the cashier and paid for that and my fuel, then I noticed a little teeny tiny cake that was reduced to 30p or something. I exclaimed, 'Oooh!' and grabbed it, added it to my stash of munchies, and said, 'I'll have me one of them too, looks like a winner.' WTF self?

Yeah, I need to stop going to the Co-Op and looking for chocolatey bargains. Am trying to lose weight.

Woah.

Jan. 10th, 2010 11:13 pm
gemsybobsy: (choccy)
Holy crap, it's only just dawned on me how much weight I've actually lost. Six inches off both my waist and hips, five off of each thigh, two off of each of my upper arms and only two inches off my boobicles. My BMI was 29.2, and it's now a healthy 24.5. Get iiin. 2st/28lbs/12.7kg of fat cells are no longer wibbling around my middle.

I still have an appallingly bad diet though. 8 biscuits = breakfast and lunch. I know how to eat properly and when I do it, I feel great. But I'm lazy, and I'm such a sugar addict. I ate an entire tin of Quality Street over Christmas instead of healthy meals. Bad bad bad. I really am naughty and I am going to get horrible diseases. SWEETIES SWEETIES GIMME GIMME.

I'm also happy because tomorrow's Monday and I don't have to do the school cleaning ever again!
gemsybobsy: (floyd)
I might get some lentils. They're s'posed to be good for you aren't they? I need to eat a healthier diet. Well, I eat GOOD food but I don't not eat BAD food. Like packets of sweeties. Mentos. Yum. And I always eat loads of things. Like, loads of cereal. I need to stop staying up so late too. I was up till 5am this morning reading The Beach. It was good though. I read it in a day. I need to get the film now, even though it's obviously well different from the book. I watched a trailer today. Maybe I should go to local full-time university instead of the OU? I'm just writing down every thought. Why not eh? [livejournal.com profile] miezhka gave me five things to talk about. LET'S TALK ABOUT ME! :)

Muse Board
I have met so many brilliant people because of that place. And like, I tell it everything. Gone on and off the band over the years, but never gone off the board. Well, I have, but usually only for about a week or so and I'm back posting about the place again. It's not really an addiction, but it's definitely a habit. It's like I'm living with the people. M used to laugh at me and say I was always 'plugged in', and I'd lol because I AM top poster (and it's A LOT of posts) but it's not really like that. I don't cry if I can't get on the internet. If you were in a room with your housemate, watching telly or something, you'd make the occasional comment, you know. I use it like that. Like a notepad too, sometimes. Of course I have a job to do there, and that takes a bit of time, especially since the album came out. I talk to the board more than I talk to my journal. More than I talk to my friends face to face. It's just such a great variety of people, and subjects and that. Things get a bit personal sometimes, maybe a bit TMI, but I think nobody would really care. Unless they were really bored and stalkerish and maybe a bit weird in the head. If you were so inclined, you could search through all my posts and pretty much get my diary for the past... probably four or five years (depending on what threads have been purged or whateverz.) Um, and I like the skins! Muse White (Absolution) is my favourite. My favourite forum is Banter, obviously. I never use the Loveboat.

Singing
I dunno much about singing really. I had a few proper lessons at school but it was like a fun lunchtime club. Proper singing teacher, with about six of us. You had to audition for lessons, which was weird. I guess they wanted people who had some skillz to be going on with. I sang a song from Pirates of Penzance which we had done at school the previous year. I was in year 10 and the girl who had the main part had a really nice operatic voice, and I remember thinking I could probably do that. So I just did, like. Dunno where it came from. I got told off for hiding it (I didn't even know I could do it haha) and then I was picked to have the lessons. The singing teacher Anne kept telling me to go to her house for proper one-on-one lessons because she reckoned I had skills and could do exams. I didn't ever do that though, boo. Mrs Chamberlain the drama teacher always liked me too, she kept on about my singing for the next two years, was always thinking I was amazing at stuff but too shy. She was right though, I was always letting myself down with the shyness. Got a D in my AS level drama 'cause I didn't 'pull out ALL the stops' as she would say. When we rehearsed for the next play, Fiddler on the Roof, I sang Sunrise Sunset in front of the group and everyone shut up and they were all amazed, I was like, "What? I'm always singing, what's the deal?" but apparently it was particularly awesome that time. Even people who normally took the piss were giving me some big-ass respeck, so I started believing in my ability, as it were, and joined my old band, and still do singin' all the time. Not shy anymore. Everyone says it's weird how I can go on stage and sing and dance in front of people but can't have a normal conversation without being self-conscious. Singing is awesome though. I love music. No-one looks at your wonky eyes when you're making noise.

Driving
I love driving. The best thing I ever did, learning how to do it. I totally hated the actual lessons though. So horrible and long and boring and frustrating. So many things to remember at once, and I sucked. Took me two years of weekly lessons to get it. They were only ever one hour long - it was the instructor's policy. I wanted to get better quicker but he was one of those 'slowly but surely' types. Argh. I was so lame. It didn't make sense really 'cause in every other part of life I'm an excellent multi-tasker. I just couldn't get the hang of the complexities of driving. When I did it it was like autopilot of course, and still is. I passed on my fourth test, hardly getting any minors but always one big stupid mistake because I was so nervous. I did the same with my cycling proficiency as well. Four times. Such a numpty. But when I passed it was the best day ever. I had to go to work (boo) so I whipped my L plates off and hooned it up the bypass to the office, blasting Muse really loudly and everyone at work came outside and cheered. I still love driving, but only if I'm actually moving. It's ALL traffic around here and it actually makes me cry in the face. I can't wait to get my new car next week.

November
My bro's birthday is on the 8th so we always had the most fun fireworky birthday parties. Ellie was born on the same day five years ago. Dhana was born on the 7th last year. Haha. And it's Nan & Grandad's birthdays. So November starts with birthdays. I'm not a great winter fan, but November is nice. If it isn't wet (no November Rain plz!) The dry smell of bonfire smoke in the chill, frost, fireworks. Coming home to a warm house, dinner, collie cuddles, Floyd toasting his beard by the fire... lovely. And of course this November is going to be extra special. The height of gig season, and what a great year for gigs. :)

Treats
Aw. I treat myself far too often. In fact I only ever please myself. Haha. I think things like, "Right, that was a longer walk than normal, I'm going to have a bar of chocolate." My sweet tooth is my downfall. And I'm prone to craving stodgy carbs. Nightmare. I'm always excusing my bad habits, justifying them to myself. I do it every day though. Every five minutes. Excuses excuses. I buy CDs and things, and think, "Oh well, I don't go out drinking that often so it's alright." It got quite bad in the past. When I was with K9 and always unhappy. This is why I had an extra 3st around my booty and never had any money. Haha. My doggies like treats too. Well, they like 'munchies' and 'dinner' and 'apple'. Floyd gets excited every time you say, "D'you want..." Anything. If you say any of those things they leg it to the kitchen and sit perfectly still waiting for me to get the jar, and then they bark, lie down and sit all at the same time, just doing all their usual cues before I get a chance to say anything.

Oooh.

Dec. 8th, 2008 06:13 pm
gemsybobsy: (choccy)
Weighed myself at Alfie's house today. Pounds lost - 5 (now 12st 4). Get in. I haven't been trying really, I think I just ate less.

What's for tea?

Oh btw, the dentist really sucked. She didn't give me a local and all the prodding and nerve-antagonising made me cry. But at least the tooth is now finally fixed and pain free! Now another one is aching.

In other news, I totally want to be Amanda Fucking Palmer.
gemsybobsy: (five)


Pretend the stars are the K9 Capers logo. Heehee.

Ummm, I have loads of things to write down today but ich vergesse..
You can probably tell that my silly mood is continuing. I have been driving around listening to System in the van, and rocking out proper. So fun. I love System of a Down so much. I really really really really really really do

O wirklich?
JA WIRKLICH

And last night we were talking German in the Doctor Who thread - I dunno why... I think it was because we were talking about whether the Doctor speaks his own language or not - and it led to a whole barrage of German speaky sexage. And then Steve and me started messing about with Babel Fish and had a vast amount of lolz. And then we watched Quatermass because DT speaks German in it, and that makes me happy.

Es ist grösser auf dem innere!

Tonight I will be going to see Shrek 3. Nice. I will be eating loads of sweets, because I've given up on dieting. I r therefore still fat, and I don't care.

Yeah I do. *sob*
I have a massive body and massive zits and massive amount of fillings (I went to the dentist today and have to have 3 more in the next 2 weeks!) Yet I still can't stop eating doughnuts and choccy and noodles and toast and spuds with cheese and other crappy le crap. And it does me NO GOOD. Like, not in an "OMFG you'll get fat and get heart disease!" way, but physical badness, as soon as I've eaten it. For example, white bread, which is the worst thing I can eat. It gives me nasty IBS symptoms like God knows what but when we run out of healthy munchy lunch-type food it's so much easier to go over and grab a loaf from the newsagents and munch peanut buttery toast rather than actually go shopping for more healthy stuff... and I'm so bloody lazy and am not the best cook anyway, but when I get hungry it's always stodgy refined carbs that I crave, and I don't feel full until I've eaten something stodgy. And I want to get out of the habit of eating that sort of thing and teach my body to like healthy things. :( 'Cause I'm minging. And my skin is fucking terrible. It's blatantly hormonal, but hormone imbalances aren't helped by the amount of refined sugars and dairy products I eat. Gash.

You'd think if I could give up smoking (it's been 25 days btw) I could sort out my eating habits, but nooo. Who'd have thought it would be harder to get into eating healthily than it is to give up smoking? *rolls eyes*
Fuck it. I'm so tempted to get big veggie/fruit boxes delivered every week and go on the raw food diet. This is something I've been contemplating since I found Shazzie.com and read Clear Skin... Very tempting. I'd have to plan it all out though. Maybe get some more books. I dunno, but it does sound amazing.

Bah.
*goes and gets cheeseburgers*

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gemsybobsy

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